Article: What to Do When the Kids in Your Life Aren't Following Directions
One of the biggest questions I get is about what to do when kids aren't following directions.
Here are 3 tips to help you stay sane when your child isn't following directions:
Tip #1: Notice Your Similarities
When the guy on TV tells you to come down and buy a new mattress
you don't rush out to do that just because he said to, right? And
if your friend leaves a message and says, "Call me back," you might
not do that right away either.
Just like you, kids aren't going to want to do everything that people tell them to do - even when the directions are coming from their parent or teacher. When it's not a matter of life or death, (and most things aren't) do what you can to allow them to have their own time frame for things.
Try to understand from your child's perspective why they may not want to follow your directions. Everyone wants to be understood - even kids.
Tip #2: Respect Your Child's Interests
When you demand that your child do something, it conveys the message that your desires and interests are more important than his. Ouch. Is it any wonder that your child resents you sometimes?
Maybe they value their free time, their time with the dog, their time playing with blocks, or the time that they spend talking on the phone with their friends...
Pay attention to whether your request or directions are coming at a time when your child is engaged in something else. Just because you may not think they're doing anything important, doesn't mean that they feel the same way.
Consider how it feels when your child tries to pull you away from something you're enjoying or want to finish. Hurts doesn't it?
Check in with your child about their availability before you start ordering them around. Then, instead of ordering them around, make suggestions, make requests, and give your child some choice.
People who feel respected (including kids) are more willing to cooperate.
Tip #3: Be Clear About Your Reasons
If your child responds to your directions by saying, "Why?" don't give the answer, "Because I said so." This only reinforces an unhealthy dynamic of your child not feeling respected, heard, or understood.
Get clear within yourself about why your directions are important. If your directions really are so important, you'll be able to come up with a better reason for why your child should do them than just because "you said so." Go for honesty rather than just trying assert your authority.
Start watching for where you can apply these tips in the
relationship with the children in your life. And remember to take
baby steps with these things. Practice these inner awarenesses and
be gentle with yourself as you're trying them out.
As you start coming from a clearer place inside you, your
interactions with the children in your life will start feeling
lighter and kids will be more willing to respond to you.
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